Charms, 2009 by Jason Cantoro

Work is super slow this week, 1 cancellation, 1 reschedule, 0 calls. I blame the weather, everyone seems to be in a pretty tense mood. I was so bored today I washed the floors of my apartment (for the first time in 4 months).

The reason behind Yod's cuddliness became apparent last night when he told me he had been feeling triggered lately due to body pains and housing drama at the home front. I feel really torn on the issue of being an emotional support and safe house. Cuddles, food, safe space are all good, but not being able to regulate my work/personal space gets slightly difficult for me when I suddenly have a boyfriend hanging around the apartment when I'm supposed to be 'working'.

Having a proper work schedule like 9-5 is great when you can come home to your siggy other and shoot the shit until you both fall asleep ready for your next day at work. But my work is all over the place. I get calls at 10am, I get calls at 10pm. If I had another bedroom I would just stick Yod in there until I was finished. Unfortunately I have a one bedroom closet and therefore either need to kick him out while taking a late night client, or simply cancel the call.

Having a boyfriend is strange.

Not my cup of tea

I hate morning client calls. But even worst than morning appointments, are the ones that cancel on you. You are already awake, then you get the text. Sorry Won’t Be able to make it. Bleh. You woke up early and you don’t get paid.

Yod slept over. He was extra cuddly last night. Maybe it was because I had told him that I went on a dinner date with a guy. Or maybe it was because of that 5 hour fuck session we had the day before. I was restless. Slept badly and woke up cranky. I had to kick Yod out before my client came at 10am. When the client canceled at 9am I invited him to sleep a little longer.

When I’m cranky I have no patience for this man. It appears that everything he does is wrong. He does not move around my apartment with confidence. I feel like his mother, explaining how to mop up spilt liquids on the carpet, that the shower curtain stays inside the shower, etc. He made me tea. But he didn’t clean the teapot out and there was old tea from last night. He put cream inside it instead of milk, it was decaffeinated. Who drinks decaf at 10am?

This is the aspect of my relationship with Yod that I hate the most. The mundane part of my day I just want to keep to myself. By inviting him into my life, to sleep over, to stay that extra hour, I’m allowing him to creep ever more into my world. It’s not fair to him that I’m a cranky bitch in the morning, or that he doesn’t know how to make my tea right.

But dammit if he thinks there is any future in all this, he will learn how to pour me a proper cup of tea.